My four year old recently said " Mommy, when I grow up, I am going to drink a beer and be silly." GULP.
Ok. I don't plan to let him live in a bubble and believe that he should be exposed and know about things...but something still bugged me.
Is it me or my husband? Do we drink so much alcohol in front of him that beer and wine have become household names? Highly doubt it....but we don't necessarily hide the occasional drink and tell him plainly what it is. I am nuts all the time alcohol free...so he saw something ELSE somewhere. I am careful to tell him that it's like sugar...it's not healthy too have too much and can make you very sick. He seems to get that.
I do, however, think I need to check the activities that I am allowing him to be a part of. Several of my friends have children, and so there are lots of bbqs and get togethers...and there is always alcohol present. When my son is with me...it's one and then done usually. But I have recently observed such an increase in alcohol intake that adult censors are way down. Lots of alcohol leads to lots of foul language and an irritable attitude when my son says "mommy, so and so said X word." I have told him that grown ups are in charge of themselves and that while our family does not say certain things, that other people may choose to be different. I literally tell him " I am not in control of what he/she says and neither are you. But please remember that we do not say those words because they are not good." He says ok and moves on. Most of the time. I DO tell him that he may come and talk to me about something he hears..so that we can get through it and he doesn't stuff it down in his heart to be repeated later. To some adults, my son is "tattle tailing"...making it hard for me to know who the adult is.
I have had this stomach ache about this issue...because it's so much more than just words. It's a representation of my parenting. How "old" do I expect my son to be? Shame on me. He's only 4. His little filter is still developing...and I am waiting for the day when he just starts repeating. I do ask the repeat offenders to please curb their language and usually get a good response, but one that is clearly lined with irritation. At first I was a bit shy about it...but now, I am pretty much over that. I used to be afraid that I would embarrass someone, seem "holier than thou", etc. I am guilty of saying a few choice words myself...way too often...but never in front of my kid...except that one time...crap. We ALL make the mistake...but I apologize to my son because I deep down DO NOT want him to grow up with a foul mouth. The soul reason I ask adults to curb their language if I have to.
At one point growing up do we forgo the nice talk and just start cursing? Probably middle school...showing your defiance, getting a reaction. I know I did...
I believe I got that in check when I read the scripture "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." I felt horrible. I didn't say I DON't curse, I am far from perfect...but I do hold myself accountable for my actions and I really, really don't want to have so much crap inside of me that only crap comes out.
I would venture to say that the majority of adults, regardless of whether they are parents and regardless of any spiritual or religious ties...agree that children have a shot at being a better human than them...and therefore try to protect what they see and hear. Right????
I guess if you see cursing as only words, then maybe it's suitable for you to drop the f-bomb or the gd's all the time...I mean...kids won't get in trouble at school for saying such things if their parents approve,right? I don't think so. I know some who teach their children to say bad things b/c I guess in some sick way it's humorous to see an innocent child with an open mind and heart say something that only an adult knows the meaning of.
Sometimes IT IS just about the kids. Sometimes family functions should truly be family friendly.
In saying all this, I have decided to return to my mother bear-ness:) There are some experiences my son shouldn't have...and it's my job to watch out for him. So there.
